What Really Happened in Fang
by YouGiveMeWings
Summary: You see, Iggy and I didn't mean for that letter to go that far...I mean, Fang got abducted in the end...  Rated T for language and Iggy's mind. OOC-ness
1. The Diary

Disclaimer:

**I don't own Maximum Ride. How many times do I have to say this?**

**And I do not own the idea of making a story about a flock member's diary. I give all credit to Phoenix Fanatic. **_**Diary Of A Lovesick Mutant**_** is the best story.**

**Though it's only a diary for this part.**

**Oh and Katherine, random1ness, helped me with this.**

* * *

_March 15, 2010_

I am Gazzy. _And I am Iggy._

We have done the best prank EVER. Why is that diary? _Hee-hee you write in a diary. _Shut up Iggy you're writing too. _But you're writing for me. _Touché.

Now…back on subject. Fang, just right after Total's wedding, got a major headache for some reason. The silent type just can't handle the loud…ness…uh…can they? _Emo._

So he went back to the house and left a note for everyone. Which we promptly burned and replaced it. But…

_This requires a flashback._

Fine.

* * *

6:56, Total's Reception

Fang, Iggy, and I were hanging out with Max at a fancy table.

_All it had was a tablecloth and a cheap plastic vase with wildflowers in it on top. _

Shut up, Iggy.

_We had been discussing about YouTube: Ray William Johnson versus Ryan Higa versus Shane Dawson…versus that loser Fred…_

* * *

HE'S NOT A LOSER, HE ROCKS!

_Whatever makes you happy. I meant…not like that…pervert._

What are you talking about?

_Never mind. Back on subject. _

* * *

"…_and that proves that Ray William Johnson is better,"_ Iggy said.

"NO! Cleary Shane Dawson is." Max said.

"Max…I'm with Iggy. Ray is way better. But Nigahiga on the other hand…" Fang replied. Max slapped him.

We laughed. I whispered, "I still like Fred…"

Fang sighed, "I have a headache. I'm going home."

"Sure." I said. "Whatever."

He got up and walked away, looking all depressed.

_

* * *

_

That's not what happened!

What?

_He totally got up and was singing Miley Cyrus and skipping and…_

You have a sick mind, Iggy.

_Why thank you._

* * *

"_Hey…I'm going to the restroom," _Iggy said. He mouthed to me, _follow Fang_.

"Okay." I just looked back at Max.

Awkward silence.

"Yeah…I'm gonna go with Iggy…" I said. I got up and ran out the building.

_

* * *

_

Can I direct the story yet?

No Iggy. You'll make it rated "R" and involve nude people…

_Nuh-uh! I was gonna…yeah…_

Thought so.

* * *

When we made it home, Fang wasn't there. All we found was some note which we set on fire instead of reading it.

_Though I think we should've…_

We opened the laptop and found Fang's file. We clicked on it.

"Hey!" I said.

"_What?"_ Iggy eagerly leaned to the screen. _"Wait I can't see it…"_

"Fail." I pointed to a folder, though he couldn't see it. "This one says: _Letter just incase I have to leave for no reason randomly_!"

"_Like some douche?"_

"Yes, yes indeed." I opened the file, and read some of it. "Man this is really sappy…"

"_We should print it! And laugh at Fang together…as a true family."_

"What if they take it seriously…?" I hesitated.

"_Doesn't matter." _He paused._ "Then we must film their reaction and post it on YouTube."_

* * *

That didn't work out well…

_Nah…It worked out perfectly._

**

* * *

**

I have no dignity. Whatever was left of it was taken away from me in this story. I have reduced myself to pretend that I am a nine-year-old mutant bird kid with digestion problems and his perverted blind buddy. No pride, no justice, no liberty…I wanna slap Fang…listen to Shakira…

**Okay you can no stop reading my babbling and review. NOW.**


	2. The Pharmacy

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own Maximum Ride.**

**Katherine helped out. Again. This took five minutes to type…not including our laughter.**

**

* * *

**

Fang POV

I was walking by the pharmacy section in Walgreens. I was holding in my hands something that might change my life forever.

Advil _PM_…or Advil _Am_… _Tablets…or liquid._

Some random guy with a beard came up to me. "I see you are making a choice that might change your life forever."

I just stared.

"Is your name Fang…?" he questioned me.

"Yeah…" I was ready to run.

He stepped closer and whispered to me.

"_I love you."_

"Creeper," I walked away.

"No!" He ran after me, grabbed my shoulder, and turned me around. "My voice says we are _soul mates_."

"…Max?"

"No. Even better."

"What…?" This guy's a creeper.

"Xam." He stared at me, like, into my soul or something.

I stared at him.

"Nah, I'm just messing with you." He laughed and patted my back. "Got out of one of 'em Max Ride books! Ever heard of them?"

"Um..noo…" I said.

"Great acting by the way!" He ran off.

Then I heard the doors of the pharmacy open. A voice, a girl, said, "Why'd you make me get a flu shot?"

The other person, another girl around the same age, replied, "Because I wanted you get a flu shot. Duh." Silence. "They said you might die without it."

"GAH!" The voice said.

"Quiet." The other girl said.

"What?" She whispered back.

"He's here."

"Oh, shit," I said to myself. More mutants out to get me…or worse…

Fangirls?

Oh, I hate my life.

I was getting to the exit, both Advils still in my hand. I was sprinting.

But then it went black. I remember hearing laughter.

* * *

**That was better to type.**


	3. The List

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own Maximum Ride.**

**Or Percy Jackson**

**Or Facebook, High School Musical, Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, Shakira, or tacos.**

**But I do own Bob. He's my invisible emo stalker!**

**Katherine also helped with this chapter. Half of this was actually typed at 3 in the morning…just like the other two chapters.**

* * *

**Fang POV**

I woke up to the girls arguing.

Actually, I woke up in a dark room, tied to a chair, with two girls arguing in front of me.

One I actually thought was Max. Then I realized she had blue eyes. Angel? No, older. Maybe…I don't know. She's just weird.

The other was just…different. Pale skin, dark brown hair, brown eyes…opposite, she wore glasses.

"…should we make him make up number six!" The taller blonde girl yelled.

"Yeah! And no need to yell!" She shouted back.

My headache was only making my ears hurt worse.

"Can y'all shut up?" I glared at them. "And untie me while you're at it." I sent a death glare at both of them.

They just glared back.

We sat there for eight or so minutes, just glaring at each other until they burst into laughter.

"What?" I said.

"Give him the list." The blonde girl whispered.

The other handed me a piece of a paper. On it, there was a list and a crudely drawn picture of a stick figure with wings which they called "Batman".

**

* * *

**

To Do List

1. Kidnap Fang…_at Walgreens_

2. Tell him _everything_, give him "the talk".

3. Force him to dance to Shakira

4. Tell him about Max's secret lover Justin Beiber

5. Touch his hair as he weeps in the emo corner. While Bob stares, smiling. _Bob never smiles._

6. Make up a number six. _Miley Cyrus is not worthy of being a taco._

* * *

"Where did that come from, and why didn't you make a number six? Lazy…"

"Because that would be too much work." The blonde girl sent me a creepy glare.

"And how did you know I was gonna be at freakin' Walgreens? And what is 'the talk'? And why Shakira? Who's Bob, and how long has Max been liking Justin Beiber?"

The brunette girl looked at me, "shut up and keep reading."

* * *

7. Remind him of his pink teddy named "Max".

8. Remind him we know _everything_…again.

9. Touch his hair again. :)

10. Lock him in a room w/ Brigid.

11. Make _him_ make a number six.

* * *

"I have to make number six?" I looked up.

"Yes," they both said.

"Fine. Set me free."

"No, _silly_, then we won't be able to do _the rest of the list_." They laughed…at the same exact time…

* * *

12. Taunt him about being gay.

13. Go out for lunch! :) (Tacos!)

15…

* * *

"Wait what happened to fourteen?" I looked back at them.

"Dang it I knew I forgot one of my letters…" the blonde said.

"Gosh, Gabrielle, you're such a blonde." The other said.

"Shut up, Katherine, I am a blonde," Gabrielle said.

"Start reading," Katherine pointed to the paper.

* * *

15. Gabby – Interrogate Fang

16. Kat – Interrogate Fang afterwards.

17. Take Fang to see _The Social Network _and make him act social there. _Or else._

18. Make Fang a Facebook.

19. Force Fang to watch _Twilight_

* * *

"But I've seen _Twilight_!" I said. "Nudge forced me to watch it!"

"Fang, remember. _We know everything_," Gabby whispered creepily.

"Dang it…"

* * *

20. After _Twilight _is done, make him pick teams. (If he doesn't say Jacob…we'll kill him.)

21. Force him to watch _Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief._

22. Make him listen to Max's lover's "singing".

23. Go out for dinner. (Tacos again. We like tacos.)

* * *

"What is up with y'all guys and tacos?"

* * *

24. Beef jerky.

25. Make him wear a neon colored outfit, dye his hair pink, and make him run around the neighborhood, singing _High School Musical_'s _"We're All in This Together"_.

* * *

"Y'all have sick minds. Almost as wrong as Iggy," I looked up at them.

Katherine, "Well…um…he's definitely more perverted than us…but sort of tied with Iggy on the scale of perverted-ness…but who knows, he might surpass Iggy in coming years…"

"Who are y'all even talking about?" I looked at Katherine.

"My pet turtle, Benjamin!"

"Hey guys," some guy walked in. "I just came by because I got a suspicious text message that involved Fang…and a potato…"

"What?" I yelled.

"…Oh my go…is that Fang," he walked up to me, and poked my nose. "Oh my God! It is Fang! I'd know that nose anywhere! It's Fang."

"Slow, Benjamin." they said in unison.

"Wait…isn't Benjamin your pet turtle…?" I was confused.

"Yeah," Katherine said. "And a gummy bear and a marshmallow."

"Umm…" was all I could say. Benjamin skipped around the room, singing a song about gummy bears.

He gasped, and looked at me.

"What…?" I said.

"Do you know _Pang_?"

"What's Pang…?" I said, almost afraid to know.

Gabrielle replied, "You know, you slash Percy?"

"Ew…"

Katherine looked down on me. She whispered, _"Are you aware of your child with Percy Jackson?_"

"WHAT?"

All went black…again…and again I could hear creepy laughter…and something about _chicken_.

* * *

**You can now hate me for my joke about Pang. But I thought the idea was hysterical. And no we do not support Pang. It's a parody fic in the making that you can flame as much as you want when it's done. Just not here. PM me if you want to yell at me.**


	4. The Pairings

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own Maximum Ride.**

**Or Justin, St. Fang of Boredom owns him.**

**But I do own…nothing.**

* * *

**Fang POV**

I was woken up to someone shaking me.

A figure came into my vision, and shouted at me, "ARE YOU GAY?"

"What…?" I mumbled, half asleep. My vision went to normal. Above me stood Katherine and Gabrielle…and the "turtle", Benjamin.

"ARE YOU A SUPPORTER OF FIGGY?" Gabrielle yelled.

"What is Figgy?" I asked.

They all gasped.

"Wait. No, I do NOT want to know about one of these sick pairings you make." I sighed. "But then again this might be a positive thing…but most likely not…just tell me."

"Do you like Iggy more than we think?" Benjamin said.

"What?" I looked back at him.

Gabrielle whispered, "This is serious…he doesn't remember…_Justin_."

"Who?" I freaked out. Is this _another _gay thing? Oh I hate my life.

"You know, your illegal kid with Iggy!"

I tried hard not to faint…again. "What is up with you guys and making these sick things?"

Katherine giggled. "Oh, _we_ didn't make up Justin."

"Then who did?" I felt almost relieved…but then there was a sick mind out there who made it…

"Saint!" Katherine replied.

"And do I know who that is?"

"Well, _yah_, you live in her basement." Gabby said to me with her hand on her hip and one hand in the air…like she was dancing to single ladies or something.

"I'm scared…" I whispered.

Katherine yelled something I couldn't tell, and a little kid came bounding into the room. "You should be."

"Daddy?" The little kid had black hair with abnormal blonde streaks. His eyes were an extremely bright blue…like Iggy's.

I whispered to Katherine. "I sure hope he's talking to Benjamin…"

"Fangy!" The kid ran and gave me a hug.

"Umm…"

"You daddy, you'd be a good father if…_YOU PAID THE FREAKING CHILD SUPPORT!_" He roared at me.

"Justin!" Katherine scolded him. "Watch your language you little bitch!"

"But…" tears came to Justin's eyes.

"Don't you play the butt game with me!" She said. "I mean but. I mean…wait…"

"Hey Fang."

I turned around, and Gabrielle was right there. "How the hell did you get by me so fast?"

"I'm a Vampire Ninja."

"Umm…" I stared, she just laughed at me.

"But still. I'm your sister."

"AND I'M YOUR NEICE!" Katherine called over the sound of Justin's crying.

"How…?"

"I HAVE WHITE WINGS!" Gabby yelled.

She proceeded to put fake _brown_ wings.

Katherine put on rainbow wings and called the silver.

I backed away slowly.

Gabrielle was behind me again.

She handed me a beer. "Drink this."

"Why?"

She laughed, and I took a sip.

* * *

**Thanks St. Fang of Boredom for letting me use Justin!**


	5. The Talk

**Disclaimer: GUESS WHAT I STILL DON'T OWN! MAXIMUM RIDE.**

* * *

**March 18, 2010**

Fang's been gone for three days now. Max won't stop crying. Nobody will. Except for us two. We were amazing fakers when she read the letter out loud, "tears" in our eyes. Actually we both had onion extract on our cheeks, which made them water.

It was a genius plan.

Anyways, Iggy isn't here right now. He's off grocery shopping and returning our DVDs at blockbuster, then he's going to get some more Advil at Walgreens. I don't know why it has to be a Walgreens, are the prices cheaper than the grocery's selected price or something? What's with this family and Walgreens anyways?

Anyways, we (by that I mean Iggy and I) are assuming that Fang got kidnapped, because if all he was doing was getting Advil, don't you think he would've come back...and we'd watch Max kill him for scaring everyone..

Ah, good times.

Anyways, got to go dude diary of mine. I love you very much so.

That was extremely pathetic of a sentence. I wish I never wrote that. It must be all the girly emotions of tears and love all around me getting to my head.

Oh, I sometimes hate my life.

Well, Max is yelling for me to stop making bombs or "whatever the heck you're doing".

So long.

_-Gazzy_

**

* * *

**

3rd Person

**One day before**

Fang unwillingly had taken the Dos Equis, taking a small swig as Gabby had instructed. Katherine was grinning maniacally and Justin had left with Benjamin, both seeing it was not going to get pretty as Fang was compelled to take another sip.

The cool alcohol calmed his sore, dry throat. Though the flavor was not very superb and it left a nasty aftertaste in his mouth, he continued to sip it until it was all gone.

He dropped the bottle, ignoring as the green dyed glass shattered on the concrete floor of the garage.

"More..." was all he could manage, as he had taken notice that all the screaming he had been doing had parched him much more than he had originally presumed.

Gabby and Katherine exchanged a confused look, and smiled as they realized their plan was going to work.

After a while, Fang was...a little bit under. There were the shattered remains of Gabrielle's dad's entire six pack of Dos Equis shattered on the floor around Fang's chair.

Katherine and Gabby were satisfied at their idea, as it began to get underway.

Katherine had gone off into Gabby's house to get some bacon as due to the fact that drunken Fang demanded it, along with sober Gabrielle who insisted that they all needed some.

Gabby was standing next to the fifteen-year-old bird-kid and listening to him blabber about his current feelings right now.

"...it's not like IGGY is like...any hotter than me...I mean, I'm tall, dark, and handsome! What's..." he burped, "not to like about me? I'm the king of sexiness and bacon! I am amazing! Roar!"

Gabby nodded absent-mindedly, reaching onto the floor beside the intoxicated bird-kid's chair, grabbing the list of things to do.

She fumbled for the pen in her pocket, pulling out it and uncapping it, holding the cap itself in her mouth as she crossed out the top two things on the list.

Katherine and her had already obviously kidnapped Fang at Walgreens, so that was the first to go.

The second was that they would tell him everything about what they knew and how his existence affected the world around him and the Flock's obliviousness to the fact that they were superstars and Max's books were best-sellers. So they discussed that with him and how people shipped them off into weird pairings, most of which should had never been created. But they didn't give him "the talk" yet, so she hesitated.

Instead of crossing the entire idea out, she crossed of the first part, minus "the talk".

Katherine came back with a giant platter of bacon, stumbling a bit as she was careful not to have the entire plate topple over, as the bacon was piled a bit too high.

"Geezus, Gabs can you not help me?"

"No."

Katherine resisted the urge to slap the other girl. "Oh, and Courtney is coming, your mom just told me. She also wanted to know why we are camping out in the garage.

I told her we kidnapped a fictional character. She's perfectly fine with that."

"Awesome, does she know you weren't joking?" Gabrielle said, getting up and snatching a piece of the pork from the plate as Katherine sets it down.

Fang began to hum "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" loudly and obnoxiously before bursting out to singing it, completely off-key.

"IN THE JUNGLE-"

"Yeah, she doesn't really mind."

"THE MIGHTY JUNGLE-"

"Okay, that's cool," Gabby said as she snacked more on the bacon.

"THE LION SLEEPS-"

Katherine nodded, ignoring as Fang began to struggle to get loose of his bindings in the chair, as he continued to yell out the Lion King's recognizable tune. He began to sing even louder as he broke into the second verse.

"TONIGHT! IN THE VIL-"

"Will you shut the hell up?" Gabby yelled louder than a normal person should, as Fang, chair and all, fell to the hard ground.

Fang was giggling. A lot.

Katherine pulled out her conveniently placed digital camera out from her pocket and began to film the peculiar sight.

After a few more bars and repeated verses, Gabby couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed as much bacon as her thin hands could manage, and shoved it all into Fang's mouth.

Katherine groaned. "That was hysterical!"

"And annoying," Gabby said. She grabbed the camera from the other girl, and zoomed in on the choking and laughing bird-kid.

He crunched his teeth on the meat happily. Gabby and Katherine burst into laughter as Fang still struggled to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" with a mouthful of bacon.

It was a miracle how he hadn't died choking yet.

All of a sudden, there was a ferocious banging at the door.

The two girls immediately stopped laughing, but Fang didn't stop though.

"Who is it?" they chorused.

Courtney's voice replied. "Nationwide service, I need your wills and need to renew your auto insurance."

"Come in, Courtney," Gabby said, shutting the camera off.

Courtney opened the door and took in the scene: the two girls sitting on the ground, with shattered glass around them, with a piece of paper covered in doodles, a pen along side it, scattered bacon shreds everywhere, and a giggling emo dude with wings.

That was peculiar.

Courtney sighed, "Whatever it is, I really don't want to know..."

"Hey, happy to see you too mom! How's life? Good? Great, anyways..." Katherine said cheerfully, "...we kidnapped a fictional character, Courtney, meet a drunk Fang."

Fang spit out bacon.

"Such an attractive introduction," Courtney said. "I'm definitely feeling the love."

"You are not welcome here, Mr. Bingley! Elisabeth does not love you, can you not tell? You broke my poor daughter's heart! It hurts my poor old soul!" Fang said.

"Wait...what?" Courtney said.

"I think he might have gotten into my mom's Pride and Prejudice DVDs..." Gabby said, stroking a random fake beard that somehow had been glued to her face.

Courtney picked up the piece of paper, reading the list.

"...He's checking it twice...trying to find out who's naughty and nice...Santa Claus is coming to town!" Fang chorused from his place on the floor.

"Impeccable timing, oh most highly, drunken one," Katherine said, imitating a monk or one of those Star Wars characters.

Courtney nodded. "I support seeing the Social Network, that would be hysterical. But first, let's give him the talk. While he's drunk, it's bound to be hysterical. Get that camera out."

"What's the talk, Blondie?" A randomly rude and intoxicated Fang said bluntly, but still humming the Santa Claus song when he finished speaking.

"Oh no you dih-idn't!" Courtney Z-snapped, imitating virtually every preppy girl out there.

"Anyways, Katherine pull out the camera," Gabby said. She stood up in front of the fallen Fang.

"Do you know where babies come from, little boy?" Courtney said, imitating how Santa Claus would say it, since he was in such Christmassy spirited mood. She grinned widely at the emo kid.

"Wha...?" Fang said.

"Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..." Courtney continued to talk as Katherine had the camera filming their every word.


	6. The Wish

**Disclaimer: I'm not even gonna put it up anymore. Thanks to Courtney again for helping me write this and the last chapter.**

**

* * *

**

March 18, later...

So not much time has passed, but Max has issued a real search for Fang. Dusk is beginning and I'm writing this by the fire. Max and Angel are getting firewood, for the night. Iggy is whispering to himself how he thought the original idea was amazing, but I can hear him.

Lately me and Iggy had been refraining from thoughts of what we did. Max would kill us if she realized we were part of the reason her boyfriend might not be coming back home.

It's getting a bit hectic - it feels like we are on the run again.

Spare me.

_-Gazzy_

**

* * *

**

3rd Person POV, back in Gabby's garage, same time as journal entry

After the very ending of "the talk", Fang wasn't really touched. Gabby was entertained as Courtney continued to talk to the drunk bird kid, but Katherine noticed that the alcohol's effect was fading away. She looked at Gabby's door, and nodded at both of the blondes.

She walked into the kitchen, until noticing the "island's" cabinet. She opened them up, and an array of various vodkas, champagnes, and other liquids were all around her.

Katherine double check that nobody was around as she grabbed the chocolate vodka and a small bottle of Crown's finest.

* * *

"Oh, where, where is my hairbrush..." Fang began to sing, as Courtney was looking through various cabinets in the garage for duct tape, they'd both had enough of Fang's shocking knowledge of Veggie Tales tunes.

"Aha!" She said triumphantly, pulling out a silver roll of the tape. "Found it!"

"Thank you! I thought my eardrums were going to burst!" Gabby said, exasperated.

Courtney rolled her eyes and tried to coax the drunken bird-kid to her, ready to jump and tackle him any second, anything to get that damn Fang to shut up.

Katherine burst in. "Guysssss...I got some chocolate vodka...and some other liquor stuff. And a paddle ball."

Fan immediately jumped up. He practically yelled, "!"

Katherine shushed the fifteen year old, who attempted Bambi eyes, failing. "No!"

He widened his eyes in an attempt at innocence. "But what did I ever do to you? I am the amazing king of all things great and sexiness and my awesome bacon and..."

He began to drone off before Katherine shoved the open top of chocolate vodka into his mouth.

He sputtered before taking large gulps of the fiery liquid, tasting little of nature's amazing gift of chocolate than expected.

He pushed the bottle away, and began to run around the garage. "IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER..."

"Oh Geezus," Gabby said. "At least he didn't ruin any other song. This is a better change. No Lion King, please..."

"Have you noticed, both times we gave him alcohol, he sang a song about big cats?" Katherine replied.

"Nationwide is on your side!" Courtney exclaimed, jumping in-between the two.

"What is up with you and insurance agencies?" Gabby asked.

"Nothing! But are you in good hands? All-state could help you with that!" Courtney said, grinning.

It had gone quiet for a second until they heard Fang glumly say, "ow."

And again and again.

The three turned to see him attempting at paddle ball, but instead balancing the ball on his nose, so he was slapping himself with the wooden paddle. "Ow..."

Then he got it right. "Aha!"

Fang hit it, and the rubber ball slammed right into his face. "Dammit."

He fumbled with it more, and it slammed into his nose once more. At his eye. Hit a tooth. Slammed his cheek.

"Wow Fang you are such a failure..." Katherine said slowly.

"We are farmers! Duhdundundundand!" Courtney said, and slapped Fang before taking the paddle ball away from him, as he was holding it upside down in fascination.

All three of the girls burst into a fit of laughter at his dumbfounded expression. "Woaahhhh..."

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" Courtney chorused as she slammed the paddle ball repeatedly into Fang's face.

He winced and Katherine yelled, "With hot fictional characters for all of us!"

"HEY!" Fang said before a puff of pink, sparkly smoke filled the garage.

After it had cleared, there were seven people coughing and waving the dust around instead of four.

"Holy crap!" Courtney exclaimed. "It worked!"

Sure enough, there were now three more hot, fictional characters in the garage. There was Stark from the House of Night series, Jacob from Twilight, and Percy from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.

Stark was the first to react. "Where am I...?"

Courtney stared at him.

And stared.

"Stark! I love your work!" She exclaimed, before staring at him some more.

Katherine immediately ran and hugged Jacob.

Percy inched away from them, and Gabby randomly appeared behind him.

"Oh gods! Weren't you just over there?" Percy said, backing away from her.

"Yes, yes I was." She said, grinning.

Percy groaned. "Ever since that one fan fiction writer dubbed me the king of burritos, creepy girls like you haven't left me alone."

"Who says I wasn't the fan fiction writer?" Gabby said, her grin widening.

"Oh shit."

Fang at this time had glued Gabby's old, fake beard onto his forehead and was running around the room, singing "Best of Both Worlds".

Percy looked at Gabby, ignoring her creepy smile. "Is he sane...?"

"Nah, he's just drunk. It's a long story..." Katherine said, looking away from Jacob's six pack for a fraction of a second.

Courtney giggled as she touched Stark's hair.

Stark scooted away from her a bit.

She giggled more.

"Hey, how about this..." Gabby said, looking at Percy, "five bucks a minute, just YOU...ME...and the FLOORBOARDS...and maybe Courtney if she wants to come along!"

"Hell yeah I do!" Courtney said, throwing her fist in the air.

Jacob looked down at the girl who was still hugging him. "Umm...you done yet?"

"No."

Gabby pulled a burrito out of thin air, and slammed it into Percy's face, "YOU ARE THE BURRITO KING!"

Percy stared at her as beans and tortilla pieces slowly dripped off of his face. He summoned out water from the ice in her fridge and blasted her with it.

She pulled out a sword from thin air (again.) "Ya willing to try me?"

Percy uncapped Riptide and swung it at her.

As Percy and Gabby entered the most epic sword fight of the century, Courtney decided to dub Stark a king of something else.

"Stark, will you be the King of Sexiness, our old one is an alcoholic." She smiled up at him.

Fang gasped from across the room, freezing in a ballerina pose. "How dare you, Mr. Darcy! I thought what we had was special!"

Stark stared a bit, and Jacob's jaw hung agape. "Dude...what are you on...?"

"And why aren't you sharing?" Katherine said, her face still to Jacob's six pack.

The emo bird-kid giggled before returning to practicing his ballet poses for some odd reason. He began humming "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" loudly.

Then, Fang collapsed to the ground randomly and dramatically, giggling all the way down to the hard concrete.


End file.
